It’s not hard for me to love you.

I’m extremely thankful for what I have. The people in my life, my family esp. I love CNY. I love being with my family and being away from everything and everyone that makes me second guess my choices.

But right now, I can’t help but realise how in need I am for a new scene. New faces. It’s selfish I know. Maybe once I get to Uni everything will be fine. Won’t be surprised if I take flight one day without telling anyone about it. Especially you. I’m used to disappearing like that. Being in someone’s life and then once the next interesting thing comes around, I take off without an explanation. Without notice.

Life.

 

I meant to publish this last night. But figured that this was PMS speaking, thus it would not have been a wise deed. But Jason Mraz’s What Would Love Do Now reminded me of how thankful I am to have EVERYONE who’s in my life, in my life. And then of course the song did make me ask myself “WHAT would love do now?” 

 

“If it’s got you thinking about a change of scenery
Try letting go of what it was or how things ought to be”
And ask what love would do now,
Just ask what love would do now.

If you care to join me oh when you shake my hand,
Do not let go and soon you’ll understand
What it means to have a friend beside you,
Who’s there to remind you that love is what you are right now.

God knows we’re worth it.

It was the day you had come back from India. Back to our usual night drives from KL to Subang. You promised you’d wait if I needed space to navigate.

This song reminds me of that night and your words. A more poetic version of our conversation. This be for you my darling :)

I’m giving you all my love,
I’m still looking up.

Save me.

I fckin’ love this.

Future tattoo.

1) “Put us away our worries, and bring forth our joy”

2) “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds”

3) “You can find yourself a God
Believe in which one you want
cos’ they’ll love you all the same
They just go by different names” 

“You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let out everything that you have kept in all day? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.”

“if you can love somebody, then love them all the same”

Change.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late, or in any case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you have never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Day 16: 3 things you are proud of your personality

1. I know deep down that I am genuinely good hearted.
2. I don’t hold grudges.
3. When I know I’m wrong, I immediately apologize for it despite me having an ego.

one and only.

my lover, my best friend and everything else in between. come home soon my love :)

Day 15 : The best thing that happened to you this week.

Nothing much yet. But he got me the CD I wanted and we had the most random night last week. Damn, I miss him.

unsure.

Is it wrong for me to wish that a person’s past did not exist? Without a doubt it is true that our past is what made us into the people we are today. It’s what lead us here. But what if that past didn’t exist? Would we be someone else? Would we still have crossed paths? Would we still have met? Would this relationship have ever developed? A part me sometimes does wish that social networking did not exist. There were no blogs to chronicle the minute details of our lives and the relationships we had, because when that relationship ends, it makes one question how did something so seemingly beautiful turn so bitter?

I can’t help but wish some things never happened or existed, simply because of how affected I feel by it. How it makes me question my role and how far we can possibly go if certain things prolong.

I need to stop feeling this way. This recurring thought & feeling needs to take a hike.

On a much related note, I miss you baby. I wish you were here :(